When bestselling author, Jen Hatmaker, was hit with heartache from all sides, she found herself in a dark place that only faith could bring her out of. Here she tells Simple Grace, about the darkest part before her dawn:
While Jen is no stranger to struggle, she and her family recently went through a season of suffering that was almost unbearable. “I found out that a couple of my kids had hidden heartbreaks that came to light, and when you discover that your babies have been suffering under your nose and you didn’t know, it is just the most awful thing,” Jen shares quietly. “You think, Will they recover? Will God make them whole again?” Around the same time, Jen’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and Jen herself was diagnosed with a degenerative hand condition. “My hands are just ruined and it’s not fixable,” she shares. “I’m a writer, so it felt personal and so sad. We had so much heartache and fear bashing our family like a wrecking ball from all sides. It felt so dark.”
During that time, Jen admits that she was “furious beyond fury” with God. “I was so broken and shocked and terrified,” she says. “I got a real sense of my own entitlement that had remained comfortably tucked away because I thought, Well how dare You, God! You know that I work for You for a living. I devoted my whole life to Your Kingdom. We’re ‘all in’ here. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices. This is so unfair!” Jen’s overwhelming anger also made it difficult for her to pray. “I needed somebody to blame, so I blamed God,” she says.
But Jen says she soon discovered God was with it through it all and His love changed everything.
See how Jen made her way out of this darkness in our September issue, available on sale now at Walmart, Barnes & Noble, and grocery stores nationwide or digitally on Kindle and Nook. Also, be sure to check out Jen Hatmaker's new book, Of Mess and Moxie.
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